Job Description

🛑🍕💜 BREAKING: LOCAL HUMAN NEEDED. MUST HAVE A HEART. BRAIN ALSO RECOMMENDED. SENSE OF HUMOR? EXTREMELY ENCOURAGED. 💜🍕🛑

New Haven, Connecticut… we have a job opening, and frankly, the imaginary committee of raccoons in charge of this announcement is getting impatient. 🦝📋

They've reviewed the applications.

They've eaten the paperwork.

They've unanimously decided: WE NEED YOU. 😭😂

💜🎉 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN / ABA PARA! 🎉💜

📍 NEW HAVEN, CT

🛑🥛🐄 CRITICAL UPDATE: LOCAL HUMAN ACQUISITION PROTOCOL INITIATED. MUST POSSESS EMOTIONAL CAPACITY. EYE CONTACT NOT MANDATORY BUT HELPFUL. 🐄🥛🛑

Southbury, Connecticut… we have an opening, and quite frankly, the local herd of aggressive dairy cows currently managing our recruitment software is losing patience. 🐄📋

They’ve stamped their hooves.

They’ve chewed the fiber-optic cables.

They’ve moo-nanimously decided: WE NEED YOU. 😭😂

💜🎉 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN / ABA PARA! 🎉💜

📍 SOUTHBURY, CT

💰 $25–$30 PER HOUR!

🧩 HELP A CHILD UNLOCK THEIR POTENTIAL WHILE ACTUALLY ENJOYING YOUR LIFE!

🧪 THE DEEPLY SCIENTIFIC VIBE CHECK

Please proceed only if you can successfully navigate the following psychological inquiries:

🧦 Can you stay unbothered when a meticulously planned schedule flies completely out the window?

🎨 Can you turn a cardboard box into a high-stakes rocket ship without needing a Hollywood special effects team?

🏆 Do you cheer for a child successfully tying their shoes like your favorite team just won the Super Bowl in triple overtime? 🏈

🦆 Can you be entirely ridiculous for a laugh while simultaneously tracking precision behavioral data?

💜 Do you actually care about helping an autistic child navigate their world with confidence?

If you answered yes…

CONGRATULATIONS. THE SOUTHBURY BOVINE COMMITTEE HAS DEEMED YOU WORTHY. 🐄✅

🎮 YOUR DAILY QUESTS (WITH REAL PURPOSE)

You’ll work one-on-one with an amazing kiddo, transforming behavior goals into real-world victories.

Your inventory of daily tasks will include:

🧩 Stealthily hiding speech and communication targets inside a game of tag.

🎲 Playing board games where the actual goal is learning how to take turns without a meltdown.

🎨 Becoming a master of high-fives, silly faces, and radical encouragement.

🌟 Witnessing tiny, monumental breakthroughs that completely change a family's trajectory.

Think less "staring at a spreadsheet until your eyes glaze over like a morning donut" and more using your brain, heart, and enthusiasm to build life skills.

THIS ISN'T DATA ENTRY. IT'S HUMAN CONNECTION, RE-ENGINEERED. 🥹💜

💸 THE PART THAT MAKES YOUR WALLET STOP CRYING

💰 $25–$30 PER HOUR!

Your debit card just did a backflip.

Your student loans just took a deep, relaxed breath.

Your local barista has already started prepping your daily caffeine injection. ☕📈

⏰ FLEXIBLE SHIFTS AVAILABLE

We offer afternoon, evening, and weekend hours that slide perfectly around your university classes, your first job, or your existential dread.

🎓 UPGRADE YOUR RESUME

Studying Psychology, Social Work, Education, or Speech Pathology? This hands-on experience is pure gold on a grad school application.

🤝 ZERO EXPERIENCE? DON'T PANIC.

We aren't expecting you to arrive with a PhD in human behavior under your arm.

NO RBT CERTIFICATION REQUIRED TO START!

If you are kind, reliable, playful, and willing to learn, our BCBAs will teach you everything you need to know (and pay you while you learn it).

🦸 THE SPECS: HUMAN EDITION

✅ You possess genuine empathy.

✅ You understand that progress takes time and repetition.

✅ You show up when you say you’re going to show up.

✅ You bring light, positive energy into a room.

✅ You can take feedback without taking it personally.

🚨 BONUS POINTS IF YOU CAN SING "THE WHEELS ON THE BUS" IN AN OPERATIC VOICE WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

Please do not attempt this in front of a mirror first, your roommates will worry. 😭🎤

📣 SOUTHBURY, THIS IS YOUR SIGN.

A job paying $25–$30/hour.

A crash course in behavioral science.

A chance to be the absolute highlight of a child's day.

And absolutely zero corporate jargon, neckties, or soul-crushing small talk. 🙅‍♂️❌

💜 NOW HIRING: BEHAVIOR TECHNICIAN / ABA PARA

📍 Southbury, Connecticut

💸 $20–$30 per hour (Correction: $25–$30 per hour depending on experience!)

🎓 Paid RBT training provided

📞 INTERESTED? HIT THAT APPLY BUTTON, DROP A MESSAGE, OR GIVE US A SHOUT!

Come join a squad where your weird quirks are celebrated, patience is a superpower, and the little victories are the biggest deals in the world.